But I’m learning that to communicate well, I need to stick to the point.

Our church is in week 2 of a 4-week emphasis on Mobilizing for Ministry. I made a brief announcement at the beginning of each of our 4 worship services this weekend about what we’re asking our people to do. As I prepared, I had to start by figuring out exactly what I wanted people to know. To keep it brief, I had to write it out and time it. That also forced me to make logical connections between my 3 or 4 points.

I’ve realized for some time that writing well means to “write tight” — to be concise and to make every word work. Now I’m learning that the same is true for speaking. And it’s hard work.

Two quotes stuck out for me because they apply to all volunteer ministry in the church.

Quote #1:

Greeters, along with all volunteers, have an innate fear of not pleasing you, and, at the same time you have a fear of asking too much of them. This creates a vicious cycle where everyone is tiptoeing around everyone else, and the guests aren’t being greeted as effectively as they could be. (pg 56)

How many misunderstandings and frustrations — and less than effective ministry — come about due to people on all sides being “nice” rather than “speaking the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15)

Quote #2:

Serving [as a volunteer usher, for example] is more important to the spiritual growth of your people than to the success of your [worship] service. (pg 137)

Reminds me of Psalm 50 in which God tells his people that he does not need their sacrifices: “For every beast of the forest is mine, the cattle on a thousand hills . . . If I were hungry, I would not tell you, for the world and its fullness are mine” (v. 10, 12). Does God really need our volunteer efforts? He is perfectly capable of accomplishing entirely on his own everything we do for him. What a wonder that he has chosen to work through our efforts to accomplish his purposes. Perhaps one reason he does so is that when we work for him, it changes us. So when we help others serve in the church, we’re setting things up for their spiritual growth as they serve. When we unintentionally hinder their service, we’re unintentionally hindering their spiritual growth, too.

It was wonderful to have her affirm not only she’s heard the principles of healthy volunteerism that I’ve been trying to communicate, but also that I’ve actually been communicating them! In the press of daily tasks and deadlines, it’s so easy to neglect the important for the urgent. Sometimes I wonder if I’m actually making the kind of long-term difference that contributes to the overall health of the church.

Her comment really encouraged me. Affirmation is a powerful gift.

The saying is true of more than parenthood. It’s a blessing and privilege to serve God, but the blessing often comes with a challenges. God likes to stretch us.

2009 was full of blessings for me. I finished my Masters degree, I had a leadership role in our church’s stewardship campaign, I received coach training through our Northern Illinois District and I served as editor for a major LCMS writing project. These responsibilities were on top of my Volunteer Equipping job at church, some speaking engagements, and keeping up with my monthly newsletter. It was a year of wonderful opportunities, and I spent the majority of the year trying to keep my tiredness within limits, struggling to be a good steward of my fast-fleeting energy, concerned about keeping it all straight so I didn’t miss an important deadline.

About November, things seemed to be slowing down.  I looked at a few projects that had been on the back burner for over a year. I wanted especially to finish up a book project I started in mid-2008.  I decided first to submit some articles to various magazines. If any got accepted — I well knew the odds against an unsolicited manuscript getting published — that would motivate me to finish the book in the 3-4 months before the magazine article would appear.

I brushed up some articles and sent them out in early December. The very next day, I hear that Lutheran Witness is interested in publishing the article I sent . . . in their January issue! So the last month has been a flurry of finishing up the book, doing so even while watching football with my out-of-town sons over Christmas weekend.

All in all, I learned lessons about time management tools and techniques that work for me, how to prioritize and what really is most important to me, and on letting go of tasks to be with the people I care about.

When God blesses you, look out!

I serve as leader of a group of about a dozen women who gather for Bible study once a week from 7 to 8 am. In that short hour, before we head to work, we learn together from God’s Word and support each other in prayer.

In week 5 of our 6-week study on reconciliation (see previous post), we started the “Go and Be Reconciled” lesson. As is usually the case, there were great questions and discussions. Half an hour into our study, keeping an eye on the time to insure we have time for prayer, while listening to someone read the next section of the study, I begin to wonder, “I thought we’d be at the part about thus-and-so by now.” And with a sinking feeling I realized I had just led the group through the sixth lesson instead of the one we should have studied, the fifth.

Thoroughly flustered, I apologize, they generously forgive, and we enjoy the fact that we get to practice the confession and forgiveness we are studying. One of them then said, “I wondered why you started there…” and another, “I thought about saying something…” and everyone agrees they all noticed I was in the wrong place. But no one said anything. When I ask why, I’m told, “I figured you had a reason…” or “You’re the leader…”

Later, after I’m over my embarassment and have thought of how to make sure I don’t do THAT again, I wonder at their lack of saying anything. I’m pretty easy-going, so I don’t think anyone was afraid I’d get upset at them for pointing out my error.

Can people have too much trust in a leader? Does it hurt a group when they hold their thoughts and questions inside without saying something? Can we be too “nice” to each other? Yes, yes and yes.

Speak the truth in love. We need more of that in the church.

But on this occasion our church brought in Ambassadors of Reconciliation to help us deal with the conflict. And that was a very different experience.

The Ambassadors team was on site for a 4-day fact finding visit in October and returned for 4 days of mediation last week.  The congregation was involved, too. The staff, lay leaders and many members read the excellent book The Peacemaker by Ken Sande. Our Bible study groups, large and small, went through a 6-week “Blessed are the Peacemakers” study. (Book and Bible study available in the bookstore on the Ambassadors website. ) Reconciliation was the theme of our worship.

As a member of the senior staff, I was privileged to observe the confidential mediation meetings that worked on the specific conflict. Our church continues to work on the specifics. But all these experiences have already taught me much.

• Conflict happens. All the time. Everywhere. Even the church. Especially the church.
• How we handle conflict is huge. Super colossal huge. If handled in the way Christ wants it handled, God’s people are strengthened. If handled the way our natures lead us, God’s people are hurt. Whether the damage is explosive and public, or quiet and unnoticed, the damage is very real and impacts ministry.
• Whenever we talk about volunteers and the church, we have to also talk about conflict and reconciliation.
• “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:32). When you actually try to treat those who sin against you as Jesus treats us who sin against him, you realize how horribly, terribly difficult it is. I think this is the hardest thing our Lord asks — commands — us to do.
• The joy of talking about and doing reconciliation is that it continually drives us to the Gospel. We are continually reminded of the immensity of what the Father did in giving his Son to reconcile us to Himself. We return again and again to that wonderful good news when we seek motivation to respond to hurts with reconciliation rather than retribution. We rely on the Holy Spirit to empower us to do the reconciliation work that is too hard for us. We return to the Gospel of forgiveness when we know we’ve failed at being the reconcilers he wants us to be.
• Skilled mediators are a wonderful blessing in handling serious conflict.

There is nothing here I didn’t know, intellectually, before the experiences of the past few months. But real learning comes in the doing.

Today is a yucky day in a difficult year. Church issues, and the reconciliation that we’re beginning, bring unsettling situations on top of ongoing challenges, including ancient unresolved personal issues and the realization that I’m not as nice a person as I think I am. The fact that my husband and I work in the same church multiplies and complicates workplace situations. And I’m tired. Despite valiant efforts to carefully steward my time and energies, and my commitments and responsibilities at two jobs, several times this year, and now again, I feel swamped.

But the result is that I’m continually thrown back to God’s grace as the only thing to cling to. I can’t rely on myself or anyone else. Only God can provide what I need. And the wonderful, amazing truth is that He does promise to provide everything I need, without taking my inadequacies, rebellion or lack of trust into consideration. I ask. He gives. It’s not wishful thinking on my part. A Jewish carpenter explained it a couple centuries ago, and his return to life after execution back up his claim that he knew what he was talking about. That he is the God who provides.

Blessings occur in the middle of the challenges. The church issues are being dealt with in God-pleasing ways. That’s what makes it so hard. I’m being challenged to grow more like God wants me to be. I’ve had an abundance of productive and rewarding work opportunities this year. When I ‘preach’ on the importance of good stewardship of our time and talents, I can better understand how difficult that sometimes is.

I hope things will get easier sometime. I pray I remember what I’m learning in the middle of the yuck. God be with you in your yuck.

• Stepping back from the daily routine every now and then is important, and crucial for seeing the big picture. You can also do it by visiting another church, or simply taking a day or two away by yourself. See previous post!
• You learn as much from the people you meet as you do from presenters.
• Loveland, Colorado, about an hour north of Denver, is a great place for a conference. But looking out the hotel window at the distant mountains is cruel and unusual punishment when you don’t have the time or means to go to the mountains. I actually asked my husband to get in the car and drive out there so we could head out to Rocky Mountain Nat’l Park for a couple days or a month or a year. And he almost did.
• John Ortberg and Reggie McNeal are outstanding speakers. Hear them if you get a chance. If you don’t, buy their books. They — and some of the presenters — spoke so clearly on God’s grace, I wondered if they were Lutheran.
• Although I’d heard of the Externally Focused network/emphasis, this conference was my first opportunity to hear what it was about. I was impressed. More later.
• One of the highlights for me was a small group “heart to heart” discussion time with Sue Mallory, a founder of the Equipping church emphasis. We all need more “heart to heart” time with each other!

Two weeks ago, eight lead staff from our church took a day and a half to get out of town to work together and have some fun together.  We accomplished both goals. In addition, we got to know each other better and learned such important things as that acorns make good ammunition and that google maps aren’t always accurate.

The following week I took a two-night, one day retreat of my own at an area bed and breakfast. My husband realizes I’m wired in a such a way that solitude is good for me every now and then. (And I thank God for an understanding husband.) Other than a six-mile hike at a state park, I spent the time reading scripture and in prayer, reading some from two books that greatly encourage me spiritually (The Call by Os Guinness and Prayer by Phillip Yancy), and looking at the big picture of managing my various vocations.  I also enjoyed watching a movie each evening, after discovering that through the Dish network I could view about 300 channels, and none of them had anything worth watching.

Retreats are wonderful for refreshing the spirit, for growing closer to the Lord and to other people, and for seeing the forest through the trees. When times are hectic, I find spending 10 minutes out on our deck doing nothing but looking at the trees and watching the birds and squirrels serves the same purpose.

Hope you make time to retreat every now and then, too.

One of our pastors and I were planning an event for people who serve at our church, an evening to encourage them, help them learn some new things, get to know each other better, and have fun. I had a number of responsibilities in preparation, one of which was to find someone to prepare a simple meal for the group.

Of course I wanted someone for whom the meal prep would be fun, and I first thought of Judy. She’s done this many times at our church, does a wonderful job and obviously enjoys it. But when I called her, she said she’d be on vacation the week of our event.  So I did what I should have done in the first place: searched our database for people who have told us they love to cook, and spent some time studying the results. After a number of phone calls, I had two people who were thrilled to be asked to do this. They’re both newer members and excited about being involved.

So the end result is some new people will get to know each other as they work together, they will make a major contribution to a church event and will feel good about using their gifts in an important way for their Lord and their church, and a roomful of people will get to know them and their gifts. And we’ll all get fed!

Judy will most definitely still get to prepare meals for future events. Maybe we’ll even have to have more food events to use all the people who love to cook! That’s okay with me.